Boundaries

I’ve been a huge fan of boundaries ever since I figured out in my early 20s that a lot of my woes came from not having any. A boundaries handbook should be required reading in school—every year. I read Carolyn Hax’s daily advice column in the Washington Post, and I’m amazed at how little the people who write to her know about boundaries. Let me clarify that. I’m not surprised at all that so many people are ignorant of their boundaries or their right to boundaries, given the fact that boundary violations are so commonplace in our culture and that people who set boundaries are so often stigmatized. What I’m amazed at is how people can survive without boundaries and how entrenched so many families seem to be in unhealthy patterns around boundaries. It sure makes life more challenging if you don’t know that you have a right to your own tastes, preferences, and time, not to mention your own body.

Boundaries are one of the topics I offer life coaching on. I’m completely inspired by the progress I see people making toward reclaiming boundaries. It’s an honor to be part of their journey and to witness how many struggles evaporate when good boundaries are present.

Here’s a link to a CNN article about how supporting children’s boundaries will serve them throughout their lives.

If you look for books on boundaries on Amazon, you’ll find a very long list of ones written from a Christian perspective. If that’s not what you’re looking for, check out these books by psychologist Susan Campbell. They’ve had a huge, positive influence on my life.

Getting Real: Ten Truth Skills You Need to Live an Authentic Life

Saying What’s Real: 7 Keys to Authentic Communication and Relationship Success

Truth in Dating

Here are two others I also recommend:
Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives by Pia Mellody

Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself by Nedra Glover Tawwab

And I haven’t read this one, but it got really good Amazon reviews:
Set Your Boundaries Your Way: 7 Easy Ways to Say No to Difficult People by Stephanie Sterner

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“The solution to cabin fever is to get a bigger cabin.”

— Author unknown