Gender Unburdening

Using Internal Family Systems to Heal from Gender Socialization

“Kirin Alolkoy has written a superb account of using IFS to understand and heal the wounds of societal and familial expectations about gender and one’s body. Whether you are new to or familiar with IFS and the multidimensional aspects of gender, Kirin offers an inspirational model for exploring and overcoming long-standing inner pain from trauma and gender indoctrination with graceful patience, creativity, respect, and courage. The main theme of having freedom and choice about how we show up in the world is vital for everyone.”
—Larry Rosenberg, Psychologist

“Kirin Alolkoy’s Gender Unburdening is a book for anyone who’s ever felt the constraints of gender socialization. In other words, it’s for all of us. Yes, she eloquently informs the reader about gender and all of its complexities as well as the wonderfully healing psychological model of Internal Family Systems (IFS). But the book truly comes to life when Kirin shares the dialogues she’s had with one particular ‘part’ regarding the distress it’s been carrying as a result of gender-based messages. This is where the magic of IFS leaps off the page, showing the reader that true healing can and does happen.”
—Kimberly Daniels, PsyD, Clinical Psychologist

“With Gender Unburdening, Kirin Alolkoy brings something truly new, deeply needed, and beneficial for not only the Internal Family Systems (IFS) and trans and gender-expansive communities, but for all individuals and the culture at large. Alolkoy courageously and vulnerably shares her personal experience of abuse, trauma, and repression caused by gender socialization and the binary construct, along with her beautiful healing journey using the IFS model. Combined with compelling research, historical context, and the intersections of race and other identities, Alolkoy boldly illustrates the ways in which we are all harmed by, and can all benefit from gender liberation and a cultural unburdening of, the gender binary and oppressive social constructs.”
—Sundaura Lithman, LCSW

“Kirin Alolkoy has written a book all of us would benefit from, learning how to be more gender literate with ourselves, our clients and the world. As a person trained in IFS therapy, Kirin wrote a book that helps us explore issues that relate to gender, what we have been conditioned to believe, and how we respond in the world. It shows us all how to be free to be more of who we truly are.”
—Kay Gardner, LCPC, IFS Senior Trainer

“In Gender Unburdening, Kirin Alolkoy generously offers a personal and professionally informed journey into the intersection between gender and Internal Family Systems (IFS). This is a wonderful resource for others exploring gender and provides examples and insight into parts dialoguing, an invaluable tool for self-exploration of parts of self that need care and attention. It will be an excellent resource. Thank you, Kirin!”
—Heidi J. Dalzell, PsyD, Co-author, A Clinician’s Guide to Gender Identity and Body Image

“In this inspiring account of Kirin’s gender journey, we are invited in to witness the tender, patient persistence of her Self energy toward healing the many wounds of gender socialization and policing. We are all inevitably harmed to varying degrees by the rules set out for us within a sociopolitical system that works to uphold faulty notions of gender norms and a gender binary. Kirin illustrates the healing potential for deep listening and support for the parts of all of us who have been wounded, or have wounded others; the parts who have powerfully protected, and those who might be ready for deeper connection and help toward positive change, freedom, and release.”
—Shannon Collins, MSW/RSW, IFS Certified

“I have read this book—it is powerful, moving and educational. It will benefit my work as well as some of my clients. Thank you for a generous and courageous offering!“
—Sylvia Karathanos, Psychotherapist, Certified IFS Therapist, IFS-I Approved Clinical Consultant