Gender Unburdening
Using Internal Family Systems to Heal from Gender Socialization
“Kirin Alolkoy’s Gender Unburdening is a book for anyone who’s ever felt the constraints of gender socialization. In other words, it’s for all of us.”
—Kimberly Daniels, PsyD, Clinical Psychologist, Certified IFS Therapist
Have you ever objected to the gender norms you’re “supposed” to conform to? This isn’t about whether you’re cisgender, transgender, or nonbinary—it’s about the rules ALL of us are expected to follow depending on the type of body we inhabit.
Every one of us has been swimming in the soup of a highly gendered culture our entire lives, and we’ve all acquired beliefs about how to behave as well as, most likely, a heaping dose of distress. The good news is that we’re not stuck with either the beliefs or the distress. This book offers you a front-row seat to a lab for healing from gender socialization.
- Review terms and concepts that enhance gender literacy.
- Learn about Internal Family Systems (IFS), a powerfully effective approach to personal growth and healing.
- Read about cross-cultural gender diversity and the origins of gender rules.
- Explore the connections between gender, race, and sexual identity as social hierarchies used to marginalize.
- Follow along as the author, an IFS-trained certified life coach and former therapist, sheds gender burdens and reclaims a sense of empowerment.
Every person’s journey to wholeness is unique—there’s no formula to follow or cookie-cutter result to aim for. Free of constraints, this exploration holds tremendous promise for expanding our lives by healing parts of us that carry personal and cultural burdens about gender. Gender Unburdening is for anyone seeking freedom from distress connected to gender socialization as well as therapists, coaches, and other professionals who support them in their quest.
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“Kirin’s clear and concise explanation of the IFS model and definitions of terms around gender and sexuality are incredibly helpful in setting the stage for the parts work that follows—and this is some of the most exquisite parts work I have ever witnessed. We are invited into Kirin’s system to observe as she locates and brings healing to parts injured by gender indoctrination. The work is tender and real, and I came away from it deeply moved.”
—from the foreword by Kate Lingren, LICSW, Certified IFS Therapist
“Kirin Alolkoy has written a superb account of using IFS to understand and heal the wounds of societal and familial expectations about gender and one’s body. … The main theme of having freedom and choice about how we show up in the world is vital for everyone.”
—Larry Rosenberg, Psychologist
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“It’s wonderful that people are more aware than ever of the importance of being true to themselves and unloading the cultural influences that don’t fit. In this fascinating, timely, and well-written book, Kirin Alolkoy not only discusses the topic of IFS and gender but also takes us along on a powerful journey of using IFS to heal the wounds produced by family and culture around gender. Kirin includes pages of moving dialogue with an exile that will help anyone struggling with these issues as well as the people who support them.”
—Richard Schwartz, PhD, founder of Internal Family Systems